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The Conversation Determines the Success of Every Relationship

Good conversations (personal or business) are an easy way to dismantle the barriers that block respectful and meaningful relationships from developing. Good conversations can create lasting, loving connections between people when their collective thoughts and feelings are heard and considered. It is the QUALITY of this conversation that keeps all relationships moving in a positive and enriching direction.

Three conversational elements discussed below, have the potential to take relationships to a deeper fulfilling  level of caring and understanding. A meaningful conversation will be like a friendly tennis match: I hit the ball to you and you hit it back to me. Here, instead of a ball, it’s the conversation. This back and forth speaking and listening keeps the relationship in play. These conversation components can be made by any individual who wishes to lead the relationship.

Conversation component 1.   And the next step will be?
Conversation component 2.   What makes you say that?
Conversation component 3.   Before making a final decision, let’s review to make sure it works


Too many people leave a conversation thinking everything is fine. Except it is not fine. Actually, uncertainty reigns because people are unsure of the next steps that must be pursued. Usually, there is always a next step: A call to be made, paperwork to fill out, a question to be answered, more research to be done, another meeting to set up, a conclusion and decision to  be finalized and approved. The next step component always creates certainty for subsequent activity that needs to be considered. It creates a blueprint for what still needs to be done, by whom and when, along with the next steps to be followed. Accordingly, it is necessary to review who is on your side, who you want on your side and who no longer should be on your side.


Understanding what is being said, often requires an inquiry as to whether symptoms or the root causes are at issue. Help will only be beneficial when the root causes are acknowledged so they can be examined. Examining root causes can also eliminate blind spots that can get in the way of enriching the relationship. For example, this inquiry may uncover how much you trust your decisions; what challenges you are refusing to meet; what people in the relationship know but refuse to openly acknowledge. Clarity of thought can make the speaker realize that they could be clearer on a particular point. And it could focus on the degree of harmony between people in the relationship.


Often negotiations are about competing positions. I win. You lose. Ideally, they should be about win-win. Everyone got what was important to them. Negotiations that are of the win-lose (competitive); lose-win (avoidance) or lose-lose (compromise) variety leaves unhappiness in their wake. It’s a great idea before making a final decision if facts and consequences (long term and short term) can be reviewed and the possible after effects are then thought through calmly. It is also important to examine what you and the other are thinking but not saying and what has changed since you last broached this subject.

These components are also vital to use when clarity of thought and action are required. Whether you are searching for facts, wish to understand something new, need to overcome a challenge, or improve upon the status quo, these conversation components will serve you well. You can always determine: What still needs to be done, Why things are being said and have one last review before a final decision is made. Creating a template for decision making will improve relationships and results you seek in your life.

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